product of a sleepless night

Letter to daddy

“It’s okay.” “It’s nothing.” “I’m fine.”
LIE
Contrary to popular belief what I feel I can’t deny
Cause it’s not okay. It’s everything. I’m not fine.

Though you hear what want to
And clearly there is nothing I can say or do
For I am nothing but a child of your bearing
And sadly it seems you’re far from caring

Though I know that’s not the case
And just maybe I’m a little off base
I mean I could be wrong
You could’ve heard me & cared all along

It’s just I never saw it in your face
Then when it came to priorities I took last place
I’m sure you have no idea how that feels
C’mon now let’s keep it real

Big star you are!
Ha, Mr. Football star
For the record it really SUCKED as a child
Kinda felt like an unsolved cold case that never got filed

Fun Fact #1: playing mommy is only fun when it’s pretend
But this childhood I could never mend
I guess the past is the past
And these tears seemed to have dried too damn fast

Oh wait, but big girls don’t cry right?
Big girls sleep peacefully every night.
Then what does that make me?
What exactly am I destined to be?